Point of View
by kweenofalldreams13
Summary: So tomorrow is the big day. Jack and Sarah are getting married. I don't happen to think much of it. Actually, I can't stand it. I hate them for ignoring my feelings, but I hate myself even more for falling in love with him and being her best friend.


I don't own Newsies or any of its primary characters. All I own is the plot and my OC Maggie Gabriel.

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Point of View

I leaned my head against the wooden bedpost. Tomorrow was the big day. The biggest day of all. The day that my best friend, the girl I had sworn loyalty to and vice versa, and the boy I was in love with were getting married. He had bought her a modest silver ring with a tiny diamond in the center and given it to her six months ago. God, I thought I had been devastated then. If I was so ravaged then, what could I possibly be now? My heart had sunk deep into my chest, so that now it was almost completely undetectable beneath all the other working organs, buried in blood and anguish and love and hatred.

At least I hadn't cried, I thought to myself. Crying was weaker than anything else. I couldn't let the rest of the boys know how hurt I had been by all this, not one of them, except for Davey, who had figured it out not too long ago, damn his blessing of brains, and Crutchy, who had known me since I was a child and knew me like the back of his hand. But the rest of 'em–Racetrack, Spot, Mush, Blink, Swifty, Dutchy, Bumlets, Les, even Kloppman–none of them knew. None of them could know. But now that I was alone in the only girl's room at the Newsies Lodging House, I let every tear that threatened to burst out of me during the day free. I had only sold about ten papes today due to the dread and pain. Jack and Sarah both agreed that I was just so excited; hell, they'd even made me maid of honor.

It was gonna be a small wedding in a small chapel, with only the newsies and a little bit of the Jacobs' family there. Davey was supposed to be the best man, and Crutchy, Les, Race, and Spot were supposed to be Jack's groomsmen. That left just me 'n Medda as the bridesmaids. I could just imagine the look on Sarah's face, the tears dripping down her long, perfect nose as she smiled up into Jack's warm, happy eyes, and he'd slip the wedding ring onto her finger, and they'd say the two most dangerous words in the world. And then what? Have beautiful little Jacobs-Kelly children, the girls with Sarah's beautiful hair and Jack's fiery spirit, the boys with Jack's strong physiques and Sarah's understanding. And grow old together, watching their children have children, the perfect pairing because they balanced each other out, wild and tame, mischievous and virtuous, dark and light.

A knock disturbed me from my moping, and I tried to wipe away the tears as fast as I could and clear my throat so I could utter a weak, "Come in."

He pushed the door back, standing there looking glorious as ever with that same red handkerchief around his neck and cowboy hat on his back. I turned away from him, scared that the tears would just start falling again if I looked at him too long. He didn't say anything, just sat down beside me and started rubbin' my back as though he knew everything. The result of that became worse than if I had just looked at him. Racking sobs shook through my body as I pressed my face hard against my pillow, pulling my pudgy body into the bed harder, trying to sink so that he couldn't see me anymore, and maybe he'd forget me, and I'd forget him.

"Dave told me," he said softly, and I looked up for just a moment. The dark eyes were filled with concern, burning holes into my dull hazel ones. "I just don't undastand why you didn't tell me." I coughed hard, lookin' away again. When I didn't answer, he continued. "Listen, Maggie, sweetheart, I...I'm sorry I never bothered to ask ya how ya felt about me, but...look, me 'n Sarah's gettin' married tomorrow. I love Sarah wit all my heart, and she loves me da same. And I just...I just ain't the right one fer you den. Ya undastand?" I edged away from him, the words cuttin' harder than his face.

"I know, Jack," I muttered bitterly, my voice crackin'. "Ya don't have ta give me da speech, 'cause I get it. It's always gonna be just you and Sarah. I neva had a chance, not next to Sarah. I just hope you have a good life wit her, and I hope she really makes you happy." In parts it was true, because good people who loved others only wanted the best for them, but I was selfish too. I didn't want him with Sarah, and even though it was absolutely absurd, I wanted him with me. It could never happen, but I have to say, I am damn good at falling in love with heartbreak.

"Maggie, I–"

"Save it, Kelly," I shot at him, sitting straight up and seeing myself in the cracked and spotted mirror across the room from me: in it was an overweight girl with tangled-up, mousy brown hair and a violent overbite, her small hazel eyes bloodshot from crying and her face dotted with pimples. Her tiny lower lip trembled in the slightest, and she forced the handsome prince away from her, making him stand up, away from her. "I don't wanna hear it, 'specially when youse don't mean it. Have a nice life." I felt horrible for how I treated him, but who was to say he didn't deserve it?

He walked out the door, shutting it lightly behind him and I cried some more into my pillow until my head ached and my nose started to bleed. I held a rag under it, blowing softly every few minutes, until the blood subsided and my head started spinning with thoughts. I guess I had deluded myself sometimes into thinking that there could somehow possibly be a chance, but those delusions were always wrong and they screwed up the real picture. I had blurred Sarah out of Jack's arms and imagined myself into her place. God, I felt so stupid sometimes. I had been the brains behind some of her better ideas, telling her what Jack liked about her and all his likes and dislikes, his tastes. Telling her what she should say and do with him, even though I hadn't had much experience in that kind of field. I remembered one particular time when she had run to Central Park cryin', and I followed her.

_"Maggie, Maggie, I broke up with him," she wailed, hysterically yanking on the front of my blouse. Part of me had been ecstatic, the other guilty. I ran my hand up and down her shoulder, shushing her as she wept in my arms._

_"Why did you break up with him, Sarah?" I asked in a soothing voice. Damn me for my sympathy._

_"Well," she sniffed, wiping at her eyes and pulling back from me. For a moment, hatred soaked through my blood vessels: how was it she could look so pretty so effortlessly, even when she cried when I was always an ugly wreck? How could she get the man of my dreams to fall in love with her after just a few weeks when I had been pining for him for years and years? Why did she get everything, why did I get nothing? "I saw him dancing with Hannah Merriweather at Medda's party Saturday night. And when I tried to get between them, he shrugged me off like nothing. And I got so upset when he came to dinner Sunday night acting like nothing had ever happened. So I just broke up with him." Over her shoulder, I spotted Jack standing by the fountain with a bouquet of white lilies, Sarah's favorite flower in his hands and a remorseful expression on his face._

_"Listen to me, Sarah...he's a guy. Guys will dance with girls when theirs ain't around. I think you was bein' a little too protective over him. He's allowed to have a little life of his own, ain't he? Now, I want you to go tell him you're sorry for being so possessive and forgive him for dancing with Hannah." A twinge of pain shot through my stomach as I continued, "He really loves ya, Sarah, ya can't deny him that. I'm willin' to bet he'd do near anything for you, just because he loves you. So go back 'n get him." She sniffled again, and pulled me into her arms this time._

_"Thank you so much, honey," she whispered, holding my small, fat body against her tall, thin frame. "I really don't know what I would do without you, Maggie Gabriel." And then she released me and fell back into his arms in a passionate embrace, and they kissed like they'd always done before. And I died again and again._

I swung my legs over the edge of the bed, throwing the pillow against the wall. There was some crash downstairs, followed by the sound of somebody crying. Somebody who sounded like Jack. I rolled my eyes, my head aching. Mush must have just stepped on the cowboy hat he had left layin' around and ruined it. Stupid boys. I crawled into a coat and undid my window. It was the first time I'd ever sneak out, and the last. Maybe we could make a wedding and a funeral out of tomorrow, if they found my body in time.

I walked down to the piers on the borders of Brooklyn, Spot Conlon's territory. The water splashed against the poles holding up the pier, the moon reflected all big and white against the waves. One of the boards under me creaked. The fall would probably just be quick and I probably wouldn't feel nothin'. I'd be there, and then gone. Simple as that.

Boards creaked behind me and I soon knew I wasn't alone.

The person didn't seem to note my presence, just stepped to the edge of the pier the ways away from me. But even in the dark, I couldn't just not notice the flash of red around the person's neck and the big black brim that framed his head. He had a determined set to his mouth, and his arms were widely spread away from his body as he prepared to jump.

"Jack Kelly, what do you think you're doing?" I hissed, lunging for one of his arms. He whipped around and glared at me.

"They didn't tell ya, did they? You were too busy up mopin' in that room of yours, feelin' all superior 'cause you was the only goil at the house who had a room of her own. And they didn't tell you what happened," he barked at me. The deep brown eyes were rimmed in red and had long tear streaks falling from them onto the sharp, angular cheeks. I reached out to touch his face but he flinched away. "She's gone, Maggie, choked to death on a goddamned cake crumb." My blood ran cold. Certainly I hadn't wanted Sarah to die, she was my best friend. My eyes filled again and I crumbled to my knees, bringing Jack partly down with me. I dropped my head down into the boards, hitting them with a dull thud.

"She's gone," I whispered. Even though I hated what she had done to me, I couldn't help feeling the hate toward myself for resenting her. She was my best friend, had been so good to me...and now she was gone. I hadn't said goodbye, hadn't been there for her, nothing. "Sarah Marie Jacobs, how could you, how could you leave us, how could you leave Jack?" I murmured, going slack and sideways. Jack yanked out of my grip.

"Why da you care anyways, huh? I thought this was what you wanted, for her to not have me, so here I am, here I am, Maggie, and she doesn't have me," he growled fiercely, looking at me and opening his arms, to show that he was...what, free? "Go ahead, Maggie, I ain't gettin' married no more. You can't put a fucking corpse in a wedding dress." His voice faltered and he spat the words out with water dripping down his face. "I loved her with all my heart, I tried to give her everything, and not even everything could save her, when I wasn't there for her. You hated her, you didn't give a second–"

"Don't you dare tell me I hated her, Jack Kelly," I spat back, eyeing him venomously. "Sarah Jacobs was my best friend, and you know that as well as I do. So don't you _ever_ dare tell me that I hated her, because you know that I loved her as much as you did. Don't you dare..." I crawled back to the edge of the pier, looking out over the water, which tumbled and swirled violently, wave to wave, crashing over and over again in mindless monotony. "She's not coming back, not for you or me. And don't worry about me bothering you anymore, Jack, because I am done here." I leaned out hard over the edge.

His eyes flashed fearfully, desperately, and then they were gone.

I am not in love with either of them anymore.


End file.
